The leaves might be shriveling up and dropping dead but why let them have all the fun??! Fall is the perfect excuse to immerse yourself in whatever the hell you want, because winter is coming, and that’s not a Game of Thrones reference, winter is just something that comes around every year and I think it kinda sucks. So let’s enjoy fall and all that it has to offer!
The changing of seasons can really run a train on the bod (and not in a good way), so amp up your self-care routine by taking a bath in hot apple cider. Aside from being a great stage name, cinnamon is also good for your skin, probably.
Roll around in a pile of leaves, make sure to get that freshly disheveled I-just-rolled-around-in-a-pile-of-leaves look (may require some light contouring and definitely some dirt).
Own your fading/non-existent tan and tell everyone that looking like a spooky, pale ghost is cuter than looking like a crispy goblin. (If you’re more about that summer-to-fall glow, treat yourself to a spray tan! Or just some more dirt!)
Broadcast that you “love fall and are glad it’s finally cooling off- but hope we don’t speed straight through to winter” MAKE SURE to include that last part so people really get the fall aspect & don’t think you’re a Winter Crazie.
–This requires the mention of how dry your skin gets… the more personal info divulged about your flaky, pasty self, the more relatable you become.
Fall trends are hard to stay ahead of, so my best advice is to straight up incinerate your entire wardrobe. This is about commitment- so burn it all and start anew! There’s nothing like the fresh smell of a bonfire on a crisp fall evening.
Spend the entire month of October telling your friends and coworkers that you “really can’t decide what to be for Halloween this year” even if you already know!! Remember, indecision never goes out of style.
Forget using those plastic jack-o-lantern buckets for candy (they’re not big enough anyway), this fall you’ll be turning heads while searching through one of these bad boys for your keys, phone, or wallet among 17 random receipts and a half eaten popcorn ball. Tell people it’s limited edition Moschino. Trust me- it’s a crowd pleaser and it doesn’t even matter that there aren’t any zippers or random fabric pouches because purse organization is the devil!!
Watch how-to videos of people making butternut squash crust pizza on the internet but decide it’s too much work and that also, you don’t own a cheesecloth.
Dry roast a metric shit-ton of pumpkin seeds, add salt, throw at anyone who tells you to “smile more.” Repeat. Add salt. More salt.
Get sloshed by scrolling your Instagram and tossing a hot-shot of pumpkin spice schnapps down your throat tube every time you see a couple at a pumpkin patch.
‘TIS THE SEASON TO GET THICC Y’ALL- incorporate candy into every meal, snack or work meeting at all costs- YOU ARE THE TRICK, NOW GO GET YOUR TREAT!!
Move out of your cramped city apartment and into an actual, real-life pumpkin, carve your furniture from the walls, fashion the stem into a miniature chimney so you can host your entire family around the fireplace this Christmas, embrace the stringy guts as if they’re beaded doorway decorations. This is your home now.
**May substitute the pumpkin with a large gourd, depending on produce availability and your preferred home design aesthetic.**
Listen to spooky music! It doesn’t have to be the typical Thriller OR Monster Mash- it could just be a continuous loop of your significant other saying “my parents want everyone to stay at their house for Thanksgiving this year” as Jesus Take the Wheel plays in the background. Terrifying.
About the Author:
CeCe O’Neill loves fall– and is definitely not a Winter Crazie- her favorite part is stepping on every crunchy ass leaf that is even remotely near her path. She doesn’t live in a pumpkin but once made a bird house out of a gourd, so there’s that. At the time of this post, CeCe was embracing the cute Caspar look but also considering getting her first spray tan- let her know your experiences with tanning bed alternatives! And stay spooky y’all, it’s fall.